The following month of June brought on some medical problems for me, and I found myself seeing my Internal Medicine doctor. After a very uncomfortable examination and no idea what was causing my problem, the doctor recommended I be put on steroids. He asked when my last period had been, and if there was any chance I could be pregnant. Having been off of the Pill for over a year and having a husband 4 years younger than me (with no end to his sexual peak in sight...) I stated there was always a chance. So blood was drawn, and 2 days later the results came back negative for pregnancy.
The doctor recommended I start the steroids as soon as possible, but I just had this feeling that I shouldn't take them. It sounds strange to put down in print, but I have an ability to visualize the outcome of certain situations. I'm not claiming to have a psychic ability, but I do have some sort of intuition of how things will turn out. My intuition was telling me I was pregnant, even though the blood test said otherwise.
Luckily, my medical problem disappeared a week or so later, just as quickly as it appeared, with no residual effects. I didn't physically feel any different but I was absolutely sure that something was different with me. I was tired of not being sure of the situation, so early in the morning of July 5, 2007, I took a home pregnancy test.
I've seen so many movies where the lead female character pees on the stick, puts it down, walks over to the timer, sets it for 3 minutes, then doesn't watch as the pee makes its way down the stick. Who does that?? I peed on the stick, set it on the floor in front of me and watched as one pink line appeared, then another seconds later. My hands were shaking so badly that I could barely pull up my pajama bottoms.
I'm happy to say I did have presence of mind to wash my hands before I picked up the test again and threw open the door. I catapulted myself onto the bed, where my husband, clearly unaware of what took place not ten feet away, was performing a symphony of his combination snoring and moaning. After 3 really hard shakes, and screaming into his ear (did I not mention he's an extremely heavy sleeper?) he opened one eye and said, "What?"
"Honey, I just took a pregnancy test! We're going to have a baby!!" I couldn't contain my excitement as I held the stick up to his one open eye.
"Oh, okay. Could you try not to poke out my eye with your pee stick?"
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
It all started when...
In late May of 2007 I found myself in the North, in the town in which I grew up. It was the day before Memorial Day, and my husband and I were surrounded by my siblings and my mother's side of the family. We were in a stuffy funeral home, standing in little groups of two's and three's while my Grandfather laid motionless, but peaceful, in his silver casket. Our grief was overwhelming, yet we were well prepared for his death following the five days he lay unconscious in a hospital bed and receiving twice daily visits from the young pastor from my Grandparents' church.
In addition to our grief, there was anger and hurt amongst a few of us that could only have been brought on by my father. Divorced from my mother for 16 bitter years, he felt he should make an appearance at the viewing, because (as he said) he needed to pay his respects. The details are not needed, but he was angry at me for not supporting him in wanting to go, and in the end he stayed home. Even at age 28 I am still in the middle when it comes to my warring parents. I can't support one without the other getting hurt - but in this case I felt my mother was hurting enough over losing her father.
Thinking my mother needed some cheering up, I took her to a private room away from everyone else. "I think I might be pregnant," I told her. After nearly 5 years of marriage, I think she was starting to wonder if I'd ever give her a grandchild. At this point, I was only a week late, but to me that was practically a confirmation since I was NEVER late. You could set your alarm by my periods (I have no idea WHY you'd want to do that... but you could!) For the rest of the evening the anger was replaced by hope, and the prospect of a new baby was just what we needed to make it through the night.
I was hoping to make it through the following day in much the same way, however, nature had another idea. I woke up the next morning with cramps, and my period made a surprise appearance at my Grandfather's funeral.
Throughout the day I cried buckets of tears. I cried for my Grandfather, and I cried for the baby I hadn't even known I'd wanted.
In addition to our grief, there was anger and hurt amongst a few of us that could only have been brought on by my father. Divorced from my mother for 16 bitter years, he felt he should make an appearance at the viewing, because (as he said) he needed to pay his respects. The details are not needed, but he was angry at me for not supporting him in wanting to go, and in the end he stayed home. Even at age 28 I am still in the middle when it comes to my warring parents. I can't support one without the other getting hurt - but in this case I felt my mother was hurting enough over losing her father.
Thinking my mother needed some cheering up, I took her to a private room away from everyone else. "I think I might be pregnant," I told her. After nearly 5 years of marriage, I think she was starting to wonder if I'd ever give her a grandchild. At this point, I was only a week late, but to me that was practically a confirmation since I was NEVER late. You could set your alarm by my periods (I have no idea WHY you'd want to do that... but you could!) For the rest of the evening the anger was replaced by hope, and the prospect of a new baby was just what we needed to make it through the night.
I was hoping to make it through the following day in much the same way, however, nature had another idea. I woke up the next morning with cramps, and my period made a surprise appearance at my Grandfather's funeral.
Throughout the day I cried buckets of tears. I cried for my Grandfather, and I cried for the baby I hadn't even known I'd wanted.
Monday, December 29, 2008
This is new to me...
I'm finding myself in need of an outlet, a way to tell the story not just of my life - but of the life of my daughter. To maintain some anonymity, she will always be referred to as SoBee. (I promise you, that's not her real name!)
In the upcoming posts, I will backdate to May of 2007, where our story begins. How I, a 28 year old woman unsure of whether I even wanted any children, became the mother to a daughter with Down Syndrome and would do it all over a million times to get the same result.
In the upcoming posts, I will backdate to May of 2007, where our story begins. How I, a 28 year old woman unsure of whether I even wanted any children, became the mother to a daughter with Down Syndrome and would do it all over a million times to get the same result.
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